Jokes Addict Pillows

When you're off, don't forget to activate the out-of-office note.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Why do they do that?"

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'Your shoe's untied.'

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

What's normal?

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

"If I can't ask for more wishes, how about more genies?"

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

'This has all the makings of a fable. But first lets take lots of tests.'

'Marsha, did you file the Peterson account on the cumulus, stratus, cirrus, or nimbus cloud?'

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

Vegetarian Birds

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

'I wonder why scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats.'

Doggone

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"Eat me"

Your lobster was off!

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"I'm gonna be a 'New Yorker' cartoonist. You're not supposed to understand it."

'Listen Sonny, I don't want or NEED to get to the other side!'

'Hah! The joke's on you — I already thought up a second opinion!'