Joke Junkie Pillows

"Your consistency has been very impressive...100% wrong 100% of the time."

'Maybe a firewall isn't enough to protect our computer from worms and viruses. That's why I additionally installed this fence!'

Well you know what they say - here today gone tomorrow - or in the case of dotcoms, here today gone shortly after lunch.

'Quit fooling around, Gog. Do the assignment.'

"Have you ever seen a cow slip under a hedge?"

"Funny, hysterical, outrageous"

Burgers and fries? It's the South Bench diet.

Nuclear Power Plant. Everywhere around here there's matter turning into energy, except where you're sitting.

Life's A Birch.

Weight Loss - Money-Back Guarantee... 'No problem, we'll send you a refund.'

'He loves to mess with the newbies.'

A golfer knocking on a door marked 'Driving School' with a golf club.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

Zoology Class. Test Today. What did you get for the question about Fuzzy Wuzzy?

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"I told you playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey was a dumb idea."

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

'Your shoe's untied.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

"If I can't ask for more wishes, how about more genies?"

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"The hyenas started it."

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

'Marsha, did you file the Peterson account on the cumulus, stratus, cirrus, or nimbus cloud?'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Doggone

Vegetarian Birds

Your lobster was off!

"Eat me"

'Did you watch the horror movie?'