Joke Junkie Pillows

"Your consistency has been very impressive...100% wrong 100% of the time."

'Maybe a firewall isn't enough to protect our computer from worms and viruses. That's why I additionally installed this fence!'

Well you know what they say - here today gone tomorrow - or in the case of dotcoms, here today gone shortly after lunch.

'Quit fooling around, Gog. Do the assignment.'

"Have you ever seen a cow slip under a hedge?"

"Funny, hysterical, outrageous"

Life's A Birch.

Weight Loss - Money-Back Guarantee... 'No problem, we'll send you a refund.'

'He loves to mess with the newbies.'

A golfer knocking on a door marked 'Driving School' with a golf club.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

'Your shoe's untied.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

"If I can't ask for more wishes, how about more genies?"

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

'Marsha, did you file the Peterson account on the cumulus, stratus, cirrus, or nimbus cloud?'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

Doggone

'I'm telling you Fred, this can of silver paint is going to improve your love-life!...'

'Gravity...Go figure!'

"Eat me"

Your lobster was off!

'I wonder why scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats.'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

'Did you watch the horror movie?'