Joke Analyzer T-Shirts

'I don't get it.'

What's an Imax cave?

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

Laughing Zone Ahead

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

Florist. A vase for everything and everything in its vase.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

'I'm counter - intelligence'

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

OMG.

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

Medicine bottle - If symptoms persist, die!

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

"He'd make a wonderful main character for a short story, but I wouldn't put up with him for an entire novel."

Split the last one?

The hall of bad ideas.

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

'Sorry, Kevin. You have given an incorrect command.'

'I'd probably do a lot better if the teachers weren't set to 'auto-correct.''

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

Smart 3 Piece Suite.

"He can be a real charmer when he wants to be."

"He's been like that ever since he stopped eating the stuff and began smoking it."

Holy Ronald Reagan. Do you see who's come into the cafe? Reagan? No, it's Johnny Spinwell. The king of spin! Who? Consultant to politicians, stars, lawyers, corporate execs. No one finds the bright side like Johnny. Pea brain, you stepped on my toe. I got your circulation going to save your heart.