Jogging Pillows

How to run a marathon.

'I want a refund. They only shuffle.'

"I don't think I can make the finish line, so I'm going back!"

Just Do It/Just Do Without It.

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

'I'm sorry caller, I'm afraid he's on the other line at the moment.'

Two men are jogging. One is noticing 'Danger Wide Load' sign on back of other.

Reasons to cancel the run no 148: ' a leaf on the track.'

'The hardest part of this running routine is exercising the will power to do it.'

'I always need motivation to exercise. Like being chased by the cops.'

'Urban relaxation'

'This isn't rocket science, Chuck. You donate $1,000 to a charity. You feel good. That's it.'

'...Just collapse right there and quit!!'

Crossing the street.

"I was pushing fifty and then it sneaked up behind me."

"Arlen keeps bragging about running 26 miles. What he fails to tell people is that it took him eight months to do it."

"To help you keep a healthy pace, I'm going to release Bruno here one minuit after you start."

Jesus Feeds the 5K

'Are we having fun yet?'

7 brownies worth of exercise.

'Costume - What costume?'

'I need somebody to run this by legal. Anyone in the office wearing sneakers?'

'Dave dropped out. He had chest pains and trouble breathing. They think he may have competitive heart failure.'

'Reasons to cancel run No. 148 'A leaf on the track''

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

'Face it, Susan! Those boobs weren't made for jogging.'

"Don't forget bib number!"

Hot dog.

No Exercise

'You shouldn't call them 'perverts', it's considered offensive.'

Cross-country runners picking up water and spare batteries.

A man with a shirt reading 'No Pain No Gain' runs past a man who is relaxing with a 'No Pain No Pain' shirt on.

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - You'll run it off during the toddler years.'

'It's really not that effective, but it's easy to store.'