Job Security Optimist Pillows

'Listen up everybody...as of today You are all 'TEMPS' ..in two weeks, you will ALL be OUTSOURCED'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

37 years in the same position.

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

Trays on desk read: In/Out/Lose in the Shuffle.

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"A wage increase to match inflation."

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

'And this is Bert, our intern. He's been with the company for 46 years!'

"Ruddy AI. Bad enough to be replaced by a computer, never mind a COFFEE MAKER."

"Grunzman, I really appreciate you. I appreciate you to work somewhere else."

Redundancies

'See, I told you - nobody's job is safe!'

'I'm afraid you'll have to find another way of showing how crucial you job is, Johnson!'

'I am sure you will enjoy working here until your inevitable layoff.'

'We think a lot alike - and that threatens my uniqueness to this company.'

'The best thing about working here is that nobody is irreplaceable.'

"Now I don't want to alarm you, but are you familiar with the term 'On the scrapheap'!"

'But Tom, you AREN'T being marginalized. You're being fired. There's a difference.'

"Your job is safe - at least until you're too old to be hired for another job but not so old that you can retire."

'I discovered just as much work gets done when you're not there.'

"Let's save some time, shall we?... Yes, no, for about five years, since I was a small boy, yes, I can start on Monday. Thanks, bye."

'My job security hinges on the fact that I work cheaper than someone overseas.'

'But what if my job doesn't want to go to China?'