Job Opportunity Pillows

'I like your style - How would you like to do some public service announcements?'

'His tags were so neat we decied to employ him'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

'I hear you got your increase.' - 'Yes, that proves my theory, if you whine enough, you get anything you want.'

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"

Working 9 to 5.

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

'I'd hire you, but the word is going around you guys are practically extinct!'

"I'm going to send you to someone who's more familiar with the law of the jungle."

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

"We don't have an exercise room here. You'll stay in shape by climbing the ladder, jumping through hoops, toeing the line..."

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

"I take it this is your first interview since the start of lockdown?"

'Now let me explain our retirement plan.'

'Tell me about your gap year, Mr, Van Winkle,'