Job Hunter's Anthem Pillows

'I've had some replies to those job applications I sent off.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"What we're looking for is someone who think outside the box?"

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

Ace headhunters.

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

The first case of resume padding.

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"According to your resume, you've done nothing of any real significance since inventing the wheel."

'Have you got a resume?'

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

Are you able to concentrate on your work? My mind wanders a lot but fortunately it's too weak to go very far.

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?