Job Hunter's Anthem Pillows

'I've had some replies to those job applications I sent off.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"What we're looking for is someone who think outside the box?"

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

Ace headhunters.

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

'Have you got a resume?'

"According to your resume, you've done nothing of any real significance since inventing the wheel."

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"