Job Application Acrobat Pillows

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

Do you have any other skills?

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'Impressive resume, We'll verify it through Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr and get back to you,'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"Brilliant cover letter, lousy résumé."

'I've always loved your adventurousness in bed.'

Job Interview Gone Bad.

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

'An application won't be necessary, Sir. . . if you did it, we know about it.'

'I see from your C. V. that you're my son...'

Employment recruitment aptitude test

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

"Where do you see yourself five beers from now?"

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

'How many words per minute do you type?'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.