Academic Acrobat Pillows

"Today, class, I'm proud to announce my tenure."

"It's the first week of school and already I have a 10-page report due tomorrow!"

"This isn't bad. Ten per cent all A's."

Shampoo.

Congratulations! All that cramming paid off.

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"I told him we needed more string."

"So the secret to getting good grades is to study hard...seems a little extreme!"

'I count only four parachutes. Where's Mr. Simms?'

"We've invented a new word!"

'I've always loved your adventurousness in bed.'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

'No, copyright does not mean you have the right to copy it.'

Professor Swizzlestix explains his point....

"No, you can't ask Alexa a quick question. This is a test, so you're on your own."

Scenes we'd most like to see...

Base jumper in squirrel suit sees splat shadow as he leaps from canyon wall.

'Looks more fun than it is. I never realized pole dancing was so tough.'

'For the next hour, hold all calls. I'll be practicing tumbling. I have to learn to roll with the punches.'

Dolphin tricks.

"It's a pretty good resume, but I would have like to see more bells and whistles."

Translating . . . poetry.

"It's a stream of consciousness novel like 'Ulysses' I just sort of sat down and wrote it without even thinking of a plot have you had drink I', going to get a seat where do you come from it's hot in here I like blue do you like blue..."

Keep it simple

Multitasking

'Parents have been complaining that I'm too strict? You want me to be a little less intimidating? Do you want me to send students to your office 47 times a day? I'm a 67-year-old woman dealing with 16-year-old thugs....

"Spell 'flower'" "F-L-O-W-E-R" "Spell 'onomatopoeia'" "This contest is rigged"

"Your school report is brilliant! It's going straight into the fireproof box for safe keeping..."

'It was a surprise quiz to me and the teacher - I passed!'

'Needs more challenge.'

'Miss Harrison said it's a better report than the ones you used to get when you were in her class.'

'Clever, Fenwick

'Ten 'A's? Frankly son, I'm disappointed that you're not more of a disappointment to me.'

'But Mum, I've got to practise if I want to join a circus when I grow up!'

Model Stealth Bomber.