Jewish History Gifts

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

'Yes, all at once!'

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'Minyan Man! You've saved the day again!'

'"Einstein, Szilard, Teller, Oppenheimer...but you look through the Old Testament and through the Talmud, and there's not a word about physics."

Christmas sweater alternatives

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Did you find our menorah?

"I just explained 'kugel' to him."

"What happened to the good old Jewish holidays when all we used to do was eat?"

'It appears to be a kosher for Passover recipe.'

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

Biblical Jewish Medical Ethics

"First, do no ham."

The Exobus

Poorly planned Chanukah crafts

"In 200 cubits, right-turn, then stay on the current road..."

Why children, apples and honey should not be left unsupervised.

"You think you're brave? I read Hebrew in front of a live audience."

'I'll let your people go, but making kosher box lunches for them is out of the question!'

Pesach Planning

"Listen, you'll take another break after Deuteronomy and I'll make you some chicken noodle soup."

'Not only did he say I can circumcise him, but he also said there'll be six more weeks of winter.'

'For one of these girls, dreams of royalty are over...'

Joe's Bar: Sorry, closed to the public due to on-premises 'Bar Mitzvah'.

Bris

"May your year be pear-fect."

'About this tithing business -- do You accept manna?'

"Together we are superspreaders of light!"

Safer Torah

'The manna? Oh, the manna is great -- Now, about our housing problem....'

'What luck. It's Kosher.'

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'