Jewish Heritage Appreciator Gifts

Karate Yid

When Chassidim sit outside for too long.

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

Oymoticons

'Minyan Man! You've saved the day again!'

Signing the declaration of independence.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'"Einstein, Szilard, Teller, Oppenheimer...but you look through the Old Testament and through the Talmud, and there's not a word about physics."

Did you find our menorah?

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"Don't you sometimes worry that if they do give us our stuff back we'll lose some of the sense of grievance that's so crucial to our cultural identity?"

"Says he's one of the MacMartian Clan."

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

Baby car seat for a Native American.

"'Frankenstein' is Jewish. I'm Irish on my mother's side because she was green, and an 'O' Houligan'..."

Biblical Jewish Medical Ethics

"In 200 cubits, right-turn, then stay on the current road..."

'I'll let your people go, but making kosher box lunches for them is out of the question!'

'For one of these girls, dreams of royalty are over...'

"Together we are superspreaders of light!"

Safer Torah

'I create them, I liberate them from Egypt, I give them manna, and now they want me to make the sun stand still!'

"I don't care if it's his new year, that's my honey!"

Torah-nosaurus Rex

"At the 2008 Olympics, Henry Cejudo became the youngest American to win a wrestling gold medal. His mother taught him that desire can trump despair. And then she taught him how to escape her chicken-wing armlock."

"This is Jerry. His family used to own my family."

"That's just sick."

Lighting Chanukah candles was a matter of seconds for Puff the Magic Dragon

Snowboy becomes a Snowman.

'No, you don't get to pick one from each column!'

Tradition!

"We ask that you help us to appreciate our old traditions...to respect our heritage...and to preserve civilized life on this Earth as we know it. Amen."

Trilby - 'Ah, poor Mamma! she was ever so much prettier than that!'

'What's this I hear about you using the White Man's cosmetics?'

"Students, for Hispanic heritage month, I've ordered tasty pork tamales for everyone!"