Jewelry Salesperson Mugs

Dracula Shills For A TV Shopping Channel

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

'Go ahead and laugh, but I lose my keys less frequently than you do.'

Venn Diagram: DIamonds

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

Jewellery Shop: Disposable income spoken here.

Diamond outfits

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

'We recommend that you get a ring of equal weight for the other hand to prevent improper alignment of your spine.'

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

A Zircon Is Forever

Lots of shiny glass objects! Darling, you're spoiling me!

'We would like to buy three rings... Engagement, wedding and teething!'

'Good morning pumpkin.' 'Good morning treasure.' A pile of treasure saying 'good morning' to a pumpkin

'Ouwth! Bid my tong!'

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'Or you can rent by the week...'

"Good artists borrow, great artists steal."

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

"Next time you meet me dressed as a giant boy, it's going to cost you a pair of diamond earrings."

'...And this one comes with a magnifying glass so she can show it off to her friends.'

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

Cow and Milk

Jewellers - "If you really love your wife to be, then money should be no object."

'It started with a kiss - then their nose rings got locked.'

It is my mother's, she uses it as an anchor for our yacht.

"It was her mothers"