Jet-setter Jubilee T-Shirts

Largest passenger aircraft ever built. "Why does it have to be so big?" "We had to make extra room for all the subsidy money."

"It's cheaper than coach, and he gets more legroom."

'I thought we'd never break through those clouds!'

"Hell: The Airport"

"How's my tripping you up?"

'Round-the-world ticket please!' - 'One way?'

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, and this is your captain siiinnngiiinnng."

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

"Have you decided where to travel?"

'Due to company cutbacks, you won't be getting that raise. However, to earn extra money, I can hire you to wash my corporate jet.'

"We want to fly the friendly skies, but only with friendly fellow passengers."

'Well, you did insist that our travel agent find the cheapest tickets to Hawaii.'

'And one more thing, while you're in Bangkok be careful of the ladies in Patpong district. They may not be all they appear to be.'

Plane crash on football pitch.

Flight nap

'Your excessive weight is a too-heavy carry-on and we must charge accordingly, excessively!'

"Sometimes I think the captain doesn't appreciate the seriousness of military maneuvers."

"Any chance of an upgrade?"

"This is your captain. Welcome to Flight 112, non-stop service from Detroit to Tampa. For your enjoyment I made us a mix tape, which will begin shortly."

When Flight Attendants Retire

'Why isn't there zero tolerance to drugs and alcohol?'

"This guy's been acting kinda funny."

Excess Baggage: Anyone who think business travel is glamorous should have a talk with a business traveler.

'When you said this was a three star hotel, I didn't expect to see them through a hole in the roof!'

"And here we have a very rare and unusual piece titled 'The Last Remaining Open Seat.'"

'Want to buzz the airport?'

"Cynthia! Bridle your enthusiasm."

Fiscal Responsibility

"Our gold-plus members get live-streaming of economy class so you can see how cramped and irritable they are."

"Why yes, it is my last flight. How'd you guess?"

"Which way to departures?"

"I sometimes wonder if these kids really live in the catchment area"

"You're getting warmer."

Tell me about your travel extras please. Airport tax,security charge,fuel levy and customer nuisance surcharge.

'Not only has my luggage been to more places than I have, it's stayed longer in some places.'