Jealousy Expert Pillows

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

'If I thought for one moment that you were identifying...!'

"It's not what you think."

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

"I do count my blessings, but then I end up counting those of others who have more and better blessings, and that pisses me off."

'No fooling around. I'm a very jealous guy.'

"She's cute, but she's eroding my power base."

"It's too bad you're allergic to nuts."

'Get your hands off my husband.'

'Simon! No! We really were just fooling around!'

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

"Comparison is the thief of joy, Mittens."

'Don't mind him. He's just an 'X' who's jealous of 'U'.'

"How the mighty have fallen!"

'The three essentials for any work of art are content, composition, and how envious it makes the neighbors.'

'How many times have I told you that even if students like them better than you, you can't vaporize substitute-teachers when you return?'

"So they wanted the bathroom?"

"Oh he's just lucky, and a robot."

"I'll have to admit he's rather attractively packaged."

'If'n you don't stop talkin' to my honey, I'm gonna come down and kick the stuffin' outta you.'

'And if I so much as look at another man, he goes ballistic!'

Dog thinking: 'This lap isn't big enough for the two of us.'

"That top isn't very forgiving."

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

'I'm Sally, your waitress for tonight, and this is Hugo, my insanely jealous boyfriend.'

Jealous centaur.

'What if he gets so thin that other women notice him?'

'Okay, so I'll ask someone else to marry me!'

Cat hissing at laptop computer.

"I deliberately let him eat as much as he wants. So now he's too fat to attract other girls."