Jazz Critic T-Shirts

Philip Larkin

You're my Mona Lisa.

Louis Armstrong

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

Cocktails on the verandah.

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Rhapsody in Blue.

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

No Elgar!

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

Use your imagination.

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"Well....I could've done this!"

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"Personally, I'm a doer."

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

'Projectile painting.'

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

'Wow...Your work is amazing!'

Jazz is Invented

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'Rollin', rollin', rollin',...keep them dogies rollin'...'

Chano Pozo,

Saxophone Player.

Radiator jazz player

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."