Jam And Herring Critic Pillows

"I don't think President Netanyahu's Palestinian policy is..."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

"Hey, waiter! This homework is burnt to a crisp!"

'My dentist recommended it.'

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

"If you represent special interests, I can seat you immediately."

'Is there a money back guarantee if the burrito isn't as big as your head?'

'You are quite right, the soup is cold.'

'I was bringing your businessman's lunch, sir, but a Government bureaucrat confiscated it!'

"The news you are about to see is fictitious and is shown merely for its sensational content."

"Now, who ordered the salad?"

"You forgot his tail."

'Buy plain packet cigarettes - get free coloured pens to make your own packet design.'

"Our house wine is abominable."

'What wine goes with rubbery steak and cold vegetables?'

'Your waiter will be happy to point out our organic dishes if sir is feeling particularly gullible.'

"Does this say 'Our Saviour', to you?"

"That tasted like s**t. We'll have another order of it."

"The spaghetti is too al dente!"

"And when I say I'm immune to your charms I think I speak for the herd."

"This one's rubbish as well."

Two kids caught playing dots & boxes on a Damien Hirst painting, spelling the word 'so-so'.

'It won't be long now, sir. The chef has already sent the chicken a death threat.'

"Too rare, perhaps?"

Trivia Pursuit

I remember your lousy tip. Enjoy MY trickle-down theory.'

'First of all, the menu is plastic.'

'Have you considered having double glacier installed?'

'Why the free meal?'

'The food is disgusting.' 'And such small portions.'

"I think I got a new song that will resonate with our generation right now, and then again in forty years when they hear it in pharmaceutical ads."