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'Cards? Sure -- I've got some time to kill.'

"White Collar Prison"

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

'Where did I bury the loot? -- I thought you buried the loot!'

"Regards from the kids, grandma, mom and pop, uncle Fred , Aunt Theresa and cousins Harvey, Flo and Niki. They all want to know where you hid the loot."

Exhibition for Prisoners

'My lawyer will get us out of here. This is a clear breach of human rights.'

"How would you feel about inviting my family for Thanksgiving dinner?"

'My biggest mistake was to make a 'death-bed confession'... then I made a full recovery!'

'They got me for trespassing, grand theft cookie and trafficking Xboxes across state lines.'

"Psst. Pass it on. Tonight's the break!..."

"I'm the first one in my family to do time."

'Smooth move -- Now we're in REAL trouble!'

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

'Sure I do bad things, but I do them in moderation.'

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'

''Where do you see yourself in five years'? That's a stupid question! You know darn well I'll be finishing 5-years of a 25-year sentence!'

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

"Miss Robins, get me a ladder and a hacksaw, if you will, please."

'Hey kid, what are you in for?'

'I made good money - until they added colour to the twenty dollar bills.'

"The bad news is Lady Sybil has died in childbirth. On the other hand, Bates is back home and Tom's sticking around to help run the estate."

'Look on the bright side -- we could still be in the MARKET.'

Love in prison.

'It's best if you take it one day at a time.'

"You guys go ahead—I'm an inside cat."

'MY doctor says I don't get out enough!'

'Your mother reckons you look like your baby photos now without your dandruff, dear.'

'It was sort of like a penalty for early withdrawal. The bank hadn't opened yet.'

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'

Prisoner

"Cancel all hunger strikes."

'Yeah...who knew community service would be this harsh?'

"I believe thr guv'nor used to own a boarding house in Blackpool."

'That day was pretty bad! That day was awful! That day right there wasn't too bad. That day was okay. Oh, yeah, that day...it was horrible!...'