Jackpot Chaser Gifts

'A mega million dollar jackpot ticket that came 'close' is not good collateral.'

When government depends on state lottery: Playing the lottery is lots of fun and a great investment plan!

'I was close to winning the pools this Saturday. The bloke next door won.'

"How long have you been wasting our money on lottery tickets?"

Or as I prefer to call it, the 'feel-good' factor.

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

'We need to change our luck. Let's move our headquarters to Redmond, the home of Microsoft.'

'Thanks to the huge bonus, I find myself forced to admire you.'

You can breed these if the environment is right.

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

Let's Celebrate

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

We need to put more money into Lithuanian sardine futures...I think that warrants bonuses all around!

Gloat

"I thought about looking for work in England, but I hear they're capping bonuses."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

Remember take time to stop and smell the profits.

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

Counting my Bonus...

Vote Progressive: 'It's not the rich, it's people trying to get rich who create new jobs!'

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

Business Partners' vows

Election slot machine. No matter the outcome, I always lose money.

"I'm not a machine, Deborah. I can't just turn my greed on and off."

'I had a great year and I wasn't even trying.'

'Good news! It looks as though the $50 million loss we expected to show is going to be a $30 million profit. You know, we should have hired a government accountant as our chief financial officer years ago.'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'And this is where we all suddenly started getting bad vibes.'

Made all my investment decisions with a coin flip.

"Remarkable, but I'd feel so much better about it if we knew what the hell we're doing right."

'I'm sick and tired of you and your 'get rich quick' schemes.'

"Believe me, I didn't amass a billion dollar fortune just to impress you. But... it does, right?"

'There are articles all over the press about how stress can kill you!'