It Guy Pillows

'I'm too busy installing updates to figure out any practical application for them.'

'Crash on me again would you?!'

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"It seems as if the people taking my software class are getting younger and younger."

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"I find it so stimulating to learn new software."

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"Because webmasters don't take out the trash, that's why"

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

'I tried to warn him - garbage in, garbage out.'

"When it comes to fixing his own computer, I call it his PDDIY project. That stands for please DON'T do it yourself."

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

'These computer repair people certainly take their jobs seriously.'

Computer help.

"He's from IT. All I did was tell him I thought he was doing a great job... and he fainted in shock!"

'No Jenkins! I said we need to start using the Cloud! The C-L-O-U-D!'

Tech support...can I help you!

'After his web site got going we bought this 5000 sq. ft. home, but he never leaves his computer.'

"Are you sure that a 'tamiflu injection' will cure my computer virus?"

"Dad's at that awkward age when he knows just enough about computers to really screw 'em up!"

'Yes, Sir, all the computers are solitaire game 'free'.'

'It looks like our data.'

"Is that Technical Support? My computer's fine - I just don't know how to operate my chair."

'We've got to upgrade our computer system. Downloading information on this one takes too long.'

"No, he's not on any antidepressants. His euphoric mood is coming from me installing a robocall blocker on his phone."

"Thanks for the leaf blower! I'm putting it to good use."

"He's at that awkward age...he knows just enough about computers to really screw them up."

'It just doesn't get any beta than this.'

You have 10 updates, 6 slow your PC down, 3 look very dodgy, 1 randomly changes all your PC settings!

Not all service desk staff were pleased about the new bring your own device policy

GPs could be forced to switch IT systems onto new NHS digital contract

'I think I set the security level, on my anti virus software, too high. Whenever I access anything it is automatically deleted.'

"Hi, I'm the new IT-security-expert! Where is your server room? I want to see if I can overcome your firewall!"

'He's not potty trained yet but he defragged the computer.'

"Yes, you did close some of your tabs. However, you still have 1,894 open. You're a tab hoarder."