Irs Evasion Enthusiast Gifts

'Here are the facts of life - ten ways to outsmart the IRS.'

'I'm just going to go and slip into something more comfortable, like denial.'

'We've gone to profit-sharing. But it's with the IRS.'

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"These are all my financial papers - with the exception of the codes to my secret Swiss bank accounts, of course."

"It's part of a deal I worked out with the I.R.S."

"Now, Mr. Lindsay. About this non-profit organization you head."

"Never go to a church during a hurricane. They only provide shelter from taxes."

Tax grab.

"My bill isn't terribly controversial. It would provide modest tax breaks for people who don't really need them."

American's Funniest Tax Decuctions

"Hmm....who's this tall drink of water?"

'Why aren't you guys profiling minorities like other las enforcement agencies?'

'It's a bet - If I don't take this next one down, I owe you a hundred bucks.'

'Well, well. You made thirteen hundred dollars more last year than you did the year before -- you people never learn, do you?'

"It's about all the treasure laid up here."

'Thank you for calling the IRS... Press one for laughter in the background, press two for crying in the background.'

'Well, well. You made more money last year than you did the year before -- You people never learn, do you?'

Wade 'Gator' Ruben, Tax Attorney

Dangerous tax audits.

It's 10 pm. Do you know where your tax loopholes are?

News and Magazines. Tax code changes. I don't care anymore whether I pay more taxes or less taxes, as long as I don't have to understand it.

It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller. I'm devastated. My favorite fast-food place is cheating on me. That's what it feels like, anyway. It's Burger King! Burger King's moving its headquarters to Canada to weasel out of paying taxes! I feel so betrayed. How do I deal with this betrayal, Sadie?! You sound a lot like the CEO of McDonald's. McWhat? Never heard of it.

"The tip jar is not for me. It's for the U.S. Budget Deficit."

'I'll be right with you as soon as I feed Buzzy.'

'It doesn't say anything about gift tax, son. It just says the Magi came bearing gifts.'

'I assume you have paper work to back up all these time travel business expenses.'

Businesman shakes out his piggy US bank only to find other piggy banks marked OffShore.

"Let's make a deal. . . I won't audit you in exchange for a discount on one of your Warhols."

White flag being waved through the door of the Internal Revenue Service.

'No, you can't deduct part of your cell as an office.'

'Relax - this is only tax hell.'

'You say you've got plenty of nothing? Well, we think plenty of ANYTHING is worth taxing!'