Ironist Extraordinaire Gifts

Mega Construction Company: Paving Paradise and Putting Up Parking Lots for Over 50 Years. Deal with it.

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Lactose Intolerant

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

"Admit it, we're lost."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

How to win friends and Influenza People.

Armed forces waiting with nothing to do.

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."

"I see the downsizing continues."

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

Man commiting suicide finds the treasure at the bottom of the sea.

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

''Science moves but slowly, slowly, creeping on from point to point'. Tennyson.'

'Of course I hired Andrew. He's the best divorce lawyer around! Unfortunately, he's also the rat I want to get divorced from...'

Profits - "On the positive side, our company has never been touched by any scandal connected with insider trading."

"Its my letter of resignation. I also turned it into a memoir."

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

I'm tired of your games, Al. MY games? look who's talking! The guy with the role-playing hand puppets!

'Center for the Study of Murphy's Law' (Closed today because everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.)

'I believe we got your blood pressure back up to normal.'

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."