Ironist Admirer Pillows

'Smile!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Lactose Intolerant

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"We're at the top of the food chain and rulers of all we survey. What could possibly go wrong?"

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"Just don’t tell the other vultures. I’ll never hear the end of it."

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

Armed forces waiting with nothing to do.

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

'Do you know how fast you were going?'

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

Man commiting suicide finds the treasure at the bottom of the sea.

'Good luck, everyone! Maybe this will be the year somebody finishes the race!'

''Science moves but slowly, slowly, creeping on from point to point'. Tennyson.'

'Of course I hired Andrew. He's the best divorce lawyer around! Unfortunately, he's also the rat I want to get divorced from...'

"Its my letter of resignation. I also turned it into a memoir."

Caution: ironic literal proverb ahead (fork in the road)

"Here comes the quote unquote dog whisperer."

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."