Ironically Festive Friend Pillows

"I'd like to welcome you all to today's Easter service!"

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

Santa Dog

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

Hold those deer to you near to you this Christmas.

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

Brahms and Liszt at Christmas!

'I get that reaction a lot.'

Shall I be mother?

'Who else have I written for? Ridge Park Avenue, 7th Street, Elm Road, Thornwood Drive...'

"Getting old stinks! Today I tripped over my nose hair!"

Arabian Nights.

"It's our fault. We put out milk & cookies and now we can't get rid of him."

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

Happy St Pancakes Day!

Vaccine Reindeer

Xmas

'Looks like Santa left something for everyone.'

One of Santa's elves is crushed to death by a present in the workshop, ruining the 364 days of 'Elf and Safety'.

'Despite what they sing, I don't think Christmas is really the season to be jolly...'

"My goodness, Albert! Open your eyes and watch out where you're going while grazing!"

"It doesn't feel like Christmas. So, I'm drinking until it does."

"You just had to ask him how he was doing, didn't you?"

'I see management bonuses remain unaffected again this year.'

"I'm not drunk! I'm jush looking for my car keyish."

Flowers Explosion!

SEE SANTA, ''Happy Holidays'? -- Don't tell me YOU'RE getting politically correct, now?'

"No man should have to work on Christmas every year!"

'I'm sorry to disturb you, but new health and safety rules prohibit me from climbing down your chimney.'

"It all started with the odd mince pie and glass of sherry."

'We've been outsourced to an Indian cool centre.'

'Between us we've got 2000 Facebook friends, but we only know one person well enough to send us a Christmas card.'