Ironic Resolution Strategist Gifts

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

'How do you like my fantasy weekend so far?'

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

'She'll never look for me here.'

'You both know the rules -- walk 1 paces, turn, and tee off on each other.'

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"This connect the dots is taking FOREVER!"

'It works all the time: Light a candle and dinner comes to you...'

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

'I am constantly diversifying my toy portfolio.'

Noughts and crosses hugging and kissing.

"Game of checkers? Okay, but I'm watching every move you make."

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

"This may seem counter intuitive, but maybe the solution is to lighten up."

'If you know what's good for you Allan, you'll let me pass.'

'All my children have been successful. Frank here is in the Oval Office.'

CX909708

BUSINESS PRESCHOOL

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

The Death Star gets a marketing makeover.

"I'm in advertising. . ."

"This'll look great on my transcript!"

So what happens when you told Armstrong you wouldn't recite that Sinclair Broadcasting script? Oh, nothing. Sinclair sued me for everything I own, that's all. But the joke's on them: I've set up different LLC's for every aspect of my life. So all they could get were the assets of the LLC that they paid. This opens up a whole world of possibilities. I knew forming Rudy-has-next-to-nada LLC was a good idea. I am going to miss my ten cents and my broken wiffle ball, though.

'You really have no idea what you're doing do you?'

"Timing is everything. I recommend that you act now before the authorities discover I've escaped."

"Sign the contract first kid, then you get the sweets!"

Cat Trap,

Bear bends hunter's guns.

"So ... taking that nap during my performance review was a very bad idea."