Ironic Partier Pillows

Parties for people who'd rather be talking to anyone other than whom they're talking to.

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

'Look Reg, a ship...we're saved!'

"Great coffee, Carole."

'You don't need a colonoscopy, but I'm sending you for one because, quite frankly, I don't like you.'

'Wait! Wait a minute! Would you hold my glasses?'

"Good news, chief, a computer virus destroyed all our documents."

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

"Barry stop!. . . I'm you! I'm Barry from 2008. I'm using a time machine to stop you from making an awful mistake!"

"I can cure your back problem, but there's a risk that you'll be left with nothing to talk about."

'You're looking well.'

'Tonight's special presentation, 'The Myth of the Mafia,' was made possible by a grant from the Gambino family.'

'The bears are very well-behaved.'

Wow. Worst Tunnel of Love ever.

Thanksgiving Turkey Fortune: "Why the silence?"

"I think we can agree that the bridge collapsing is not a good thing."

'All right. Who's in charge around here?'

"Physician heal thyself."

Let's afford him the same respect his minions gave Pres. Obama and his family."

'Don't you find watching people relaxing?'

'Hey man that's a gas!'

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

"I'll have you know that I'm not breathing fire at all. I'm having a vape."

"BEARD FOR HIRE! Good Rates!"

"I'll just mow the lawn then I'll put myself forward to lead the Conservatives."

Priceless antiques priced to sell!

Aid Bombs

"You may quote me on this - Freedom of Speech is this country's most valuable asset, which is why we must use it sparingly."

"It's time we have a little chat."

Therapists to watch out for: 'How long have you had this unnatural fear of wolves?'

Atomic Lethargy Research.

"They're all down there sentenced to an an eternity of fornication, licentiousness and intoxication."

'Hello line 2, you are through to the keep fit phone in...'