Ironic Insurance Thinkers Pillows

'Looks like another cancellation notice on our car insurance...'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

'If we can't stand up to the insurance lobby, why would the public think we can stand up against the Taliban?'

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

"The only psychological treatment covered by your insurance is to cry into this teddy bear."

Where HMO's are headed

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

Sacking a unprofitable patient

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

'I did everything I could...within your price range, that is.'

'Good thing your car was stationary when it hit me.'

'The good news is that I managed to install the wind turbine...'

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

'We deny most claims, but that's how we keep your premiums so low.'

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'