Ironic Instructor T-Shirts

'Get a move on, you're late!'

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'Home Schooling'

Empty Headed Schoolboy

"Shows you how much I know."

Benjamin Franklin

'Dad demonstrates for an hour and then we go home - what happens in your swimming lessons?'

'It actually stands for 'substitute' but it keeps the children in line.'

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

When scientists come out of retirement.

'Think Basics.'

"I give all new teachers the same advice. First you have to get the attention of the class. Can you quack like a duck or juggle two books in the air?"

'Today's lesson - how to slam a door.'

'Do you have to explain nutrition with a pie chart?'

"What do you mean: 'You don't believe that this is my answerphone'? Do you think I'd lie?"

"...then - and here's the funny part - I add the potassium sulfate..."

"The big boot Italy ain't gonna kick the small shoe Sicily no more, capiche?"

"Well, for starters, you’re holding the shovel all wrong."

Keep students on their toes...

There were occasional moments when she questioned her decision to work with truly gifted students.

'Oh look, I a flying saw sir.'

'They canceled school today -- the teacher couldn't find her hand puppets.'

'Play among yourselves while I deal with my stage fright.'

'My son never called me until he became a telemarketer.'

"How can one sum up Henry's impact on all our lives? Negligible, I guess that'd do it."

"Listen Smith, I don't care if the older boys are picking on you or not, you have to come into school - you're the deputy head for goodness sake!"

'As it's your first day Frobisher, I feel I should warn you that the pupils can be a bit of a handful!'

Om, I will kill him, ooommm. Om, I will kill him, ooommm... Jack would later be charged with premeditated murder

"What do you call a fish with no eyes?" "A Fsh."

"I will now open the floor to questions. Bye bye!"

A teacher sits in front of a blackboard that advertises various school subjects as being for sale.

'I hate it when a substitute gets teachy.'

'I won't be coming in again - my dad's set up a free school in his shed.'

'Forty-eight felony counts have taught me not to try to do everything myself.'

'Did you just text me to tell me we don't talk anymore?'