Ironic House Hunters Pillows

'It has three bathrooms and not one set of scales.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'We'll take it!'

Open House of Horrors

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

"Today on Escape to the Country Emily & Oliver are looking for that special little property in the Cotswolds. So what exactly's going to tick all their boxes?"

"I want to live in a neighborhood where I can walk around at night."

Mouse real estate!

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

For sale sign: 'Unique 16th Century cottage. Similar properties wanted.'

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

'The owners are a bunch of clowns.'

'...and the property lies in a beautiful valley by the banks of the river...'

"The roof is old and leaks. The good news is when it rains you'll get an additional 3 showers."

'It is a huge property, originally built by a Condor: Perfect for a large family...'

"Well, it is a good property. The price is low because it is harder to negotiate due to its S-bend configuration."

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

'Well I think everything is in order, congratulations on your new home!'

"This neighborhood has a strong sense of community that borders on siege mentality."

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

Couple wanting to buy the estate agents office.

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

"Architectural Digest calls it 'Twilight chic.'"

"Not too big a garden-my wife tires easily!"

'...and you may notice a few of the previous owner's personal touches.'

"And the kitchen is ideal for people who like to eat out."

"If a sixth borough opens up, I'll let you know."

"This is a lovely three bedroom detached property, with close proximity to Heathrow and the M25!"