Ironic Hobbyist Pillows

Collecting Pottery

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

Emergency Phone.

"Is this the first time you've been fishing?"

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.

"We'll destroy it to the ground ... ...and then..."

"After a long day or remote work, it feels great to change into something less comfortable."

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

Karataoke

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

I thought you said Megson couldn't be bought.

Fishing for Birds

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'My next selection is a protest song against piano lessons.'

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

'It's great to get back to the simple life'