Ironic Authors Pillows

'I self-published a book on how to be successful. It forced me into bankruptcy.'

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

Boy copying abstract artwork in an art gallery.

Man reading 'Bankruptcy for Dummies'.

'The sun lounge book of melanomas.'

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

"I found another great book about living with less stuff."

"You'll find all the adult 'Dummies and Idiots' guide books in the children's section."

Gigolo Diary

They stole your identity, but after seeing your credit score, they gave it back.

'Your hair is messy,stand up straight. You look unkempt.'

Bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and other neat stuff.

It is what it is. Settle down! Stop being such a worrywart. What's the worst that could happen? Inactivists.

"Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you?" "Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees." "Well, I'd like to have How to Get Off an Island, by Archie Macguyver." "That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness." "We really should have our own book review show."

Born Cynical,,,,

Self-Help Books / Fixing Others.

"His schlock has gravitas."

Success Without Effort

Seven Deadly Sins. Anger. Envy. Covetousness. Gluttony. Lust. Sloth. Pride. After you've successfully resisted the other six deadly sins, it's really hard not to be proud.

Summarizing the obvious: The gang, lost in Nowheresville, Utah, was saved by the spirit of Sadie Cohen, warning them how to get to safety. But how, and why? Stow it. Sadie and her spirit couldn't stand the idea of being without us. It would've left her with no one to despise. I feel so needed. My spirit is on lockdown!!!

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, Al. I might have found that quote useful if not for my deadly fear of hobgoblins.

'If Jesus died to forgive our sins, the least we can do is commit a few.'

"I had a dog but got rid of him when it became clear that he wasn't going to get a job."

"Animal Liberation by Peter Singer"

'And do we really need scarves for warmth? And what's with the stove top hats?!'

'Actually I never had any desire to go into that field until they built this fence.'

'I thought I'd just crease a few book spines while I catch up on my soaps.'

Downcycling with Debbie

Book: Reduced - Slightly Damaged

My Life as a Troll

Idiots guide to being an idiot.

Plato seeking platonic love on Tinder.

"Sorry - we don't stock religious titles in case it offends some of our customers."

What a lovely night breeze!