Invoice Skeptic Pillows

'What's this £25 'extra labour'?' - 'That's for the time spent drawing up the bill'.

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'And this is the computer that sends out our final demands.'

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

The Public Option

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

Cold caller.

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"I'm not sure if that bill is correct or not, sir. We just throw a bunch of charges on there to see which ones stick."

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

Medical Billing & Coding

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

Abraham Lincoln sends his first bill - Three score dollars and ten.

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

Sales company

Sacking a unprofitable patient

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

"Your 'businessman's lunch' was $9.95, sir, but I had to add a 'fair share' surcharge."

Entomology Lab. I think the insect population declines we've been seeing in nature are a result of problems with their healthcare system. Podiatry and vision care are not covered services. Your plan will only pay for a one-night stay in the cocoon. The HMO says this is a workers comp issue. Insurance. Premiums are higher for ladybugs than for other bugs.

What's your stupid opinion on the following...

"I was supposed to prepare your year-end review but I figured youe sales chart would just save me the trouble."

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

"You didn't fill out our customer survey."