Investments Pillows

'You need a better long-term strategy than winning powerball.'

'My first piece of advice is not to put all your eggs in one basket.'

"The Fed today explained the reason they raise interest rates is so they can lower them again..."

"Whoops! There go those darned interest rates again!"

OK, buy! No, wait... sell! No, change that... sell! No... buy! No... sell! Buy!

"This is Fluffy, my pet money."

'Ron Choate, offshore tax haven consultant, speaking.'

"Were those pots of gold in any kind of interest-bearing accounts?"

'You've got hopelessness and despair until 3:25, at which time your survival instincts are scheduled to kick in.'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

'It stands for, 'Rock, Paper, Scissors'.'

'I was trying to predict future market trends and the computer blew up!'

'Just remember, Eddie, I've always viewed a big dividend as manna from heaven.'

401K

"Moreover, profits double if we move in with our parents."

"Now that I've made that perfectly clear..."

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

"I once had a firm foothold in reality, but I found that it seriously undermined my ability to function as a financial market analyst."

Born penniless. Then I invested on margin & things got worse!

"Let me find out, we don't usually keep livestock in our vaults."

"I have to take three a day - they curb my appetite for gobbling up companies."

"No, Mr. Phelps, I have no idea where your pension went."

'Yes, I'd like to withdraw $200. And could you make that in smart money?'

'Is my allowance an unfunded liability?'

It's 10pm. Is your money working for you?

"Not to toot my own horn, but I was doing time for stock manipulation when you were still in business school."

"I've been over-compensated, and I've been under-compensated and 'over' is better."

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

'After you told me you were a man of convictions, I checked. Sure enough, you've been convicted of 2 felonies and 4 misdemeanors.'

'Corporate sell-out!'

'He's in a rut!'

Zero interest CDs! Why pay taxes?

'I've given up red meat, sugar and booze; stock swaps and derivatives are all I have left!'

"Once you ask for a bailout, they never let you forget it."

'I can get you a good deal on sacrificial lambs...'