Investment Realist Pillows

'Buy low, sell high, stay diversified? Do you think I'm stupid enough to fall for such a 'get rich quick' ponzi scheme?'

"If I had only bought 800 million shares."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

World Production.

"This is the World Bank? Somehow, I had pictured it differently."

Depressed Businessman at Office Christmas Party.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

'But I do have fun. I have lots lots of fun. I have lots of fun making money.'

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Recession

'Good news, Mr. Blume! Your condition isn't serious - just expensive.'

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

'Well, that's simplified the mission statement.'

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

"I'm not particular, I'll take any job that will replace a human."

'I've fired the entire company except you, Jerkins. You'll have more work without pay, but you do have job security.'

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

'Remember Jones, your organs are worth more to us than your intellectual property.'

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

"Goodbye cruel world."

US Dollar weakens.

Squeezing a tight budget...

"Monogamy? In this economy?"

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

'Look at my new overdraft its fantastic.'

'The bad news is that the dollar is down -- the good news is that nobody seems to have any.'

"Fourteen months ago, I started with H20. I just ended with H20."

"Happiness is more important than money,but it is easier to count money."

"I need the saw again."

'That does it. . . Little Freddie is not going to law school! He's going to become an oncologist, Mary a gerontologist and Stevie a pharmacist! We'll be covered!'