Investment Junkie Pillows

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

"I think he's going to be sick!"

"Today treasuries were down on news that bitcoin futures were up."

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

'The stock market is mostly an index of consumer sentiment - So on a scale 1 to 5, how happy has your money made you?'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"And they say it's the safest 500-P/E stock out there."

Investing 101 Acronym Test.

Picture book

'Back off, you're way behind the times, Dude! I'm off to a stockholders meeting at Grandma's house.'

"D'you have any porn porn?"

Free Stock Tips

"You appear to understand vanilla mezzanine synthetic CDO - let me try again..."

"Say, aren't you my old broker?"

'These are tough times for wall street tycoons...the best we can do is laugh half-way to the banks.'

'I know exactly how you feel, kid. I remember when I wiped out my first client. Of course, I'd been at the job more than 15 minutes.'

"Denise, will you share my love and my debt for high tech stocks?"

Investments: Remember, tis better to have loved money and lost, than never to have loved money at all.

Electrical power for California.

'This just in from my broker - I made a bundle in the stock market.'

Stock Exchange - All Seats Now Equipped with Oxygen Marks in Case this Market Goes Higher and Higher.

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."