Intuition Admirer Pillows

She's good, but Mom's better.

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"We're at the top of the food chain and rulers of all we survey. What could possibly go wrong?"

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

"I'm the bad guy..."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"Just don’t tell the other vultures. I’ll never hear the end of it."

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"Then, after college, I joined the navy. Wait, I think I hear him coming."

"I just need help getting the pit out."

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

Magic Tricks

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

Mensa Does Improv

'Do you know how fast you were going?'

'Good luck, everyone! Maybe this will be the year somebody finishes the race!'

"Police, this is the wife of Magi the magician, something's happened to him!"

'And then, just to humor the guy I said 'I need a hug', little thinking that the big gorilla would do just that.'

Caution: ironic literal proverb ahead (fork in the road)

The Smell of Fear

'Don't worry it's organic...'

First love.

"Here comes the quote unquote dog whisperer."

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"Beats me. They put up the sign and went to their panic room."

"They called me Dumbo. A memoir of redemption."

Met Office: Wet today and dry tomorrow.

"There's nothing magical about if, actually I just have a knack for this sort of thing."

'Here comes Mr. 'Smarter-then-you'.'

'Do you have to be so melodramatic?'

'The company I ran was non-profit, but that wasn't intentional.'