Interview Surfers Pillows

"Where do you see yourself in five years."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Hawaiian hitchhiker."

"Mom, I'm bored. Do you know something I can get hysterical and panicky about?"

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

"It says here that in your last job you did a lot of traveling."

"Why on earth do you insist on coming to this miserable, isolated, rocky, small island every year to roost? It's covered in guano! Disgusting..."

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

Run, Mike, Run!

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

"There's no such thing as free wi-fi."

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

The wetsuit preferred by 9 out of 10 executive windsurfers.

"Well, Mom, I guess you saw what happened."

"...and before that, I was an embryo."

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

'We don't believe a word of this c.v... And we'd like to offer you a job.'

'Personally, I like the look of the next candidate!'

'You've impressed the interview panel, but our handwriting analyst has determined that you're insane.'

'What's your usual response to criticism?' - 'Extreme surprise.'

'Your resume is pure baloney. How'd you like to write political speeches?'

'I'm not really a super hero. I padded my resume.'

'We'll be in touch. I still have to interview a few other applicants.'

"We'll have to pick this up later. My plane just went down, sharks ate my personal assistant, and apparently I'm winning some kind of surfing competition."

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'Does your company have a dental plan?'

'Impressive résumé. Any character references, mom?'

What we're looking for is someone who can dream big and work within our budget.

'How long have you been out of work? I've never seen a resume prepared in needlepoint.'