Interview Irony Lover Gifts

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"And what have you done besides this seasonal job in toy manufacturing?"

"Er, that's great, can you do anything else?"

'If at first you don't succeed...have you ever thought of becoming a personnel officer?'

'I'm sorry Mr. Pringle, you failed the acid test.'

'I thought you'd be a shoo-in since you got the interview through monster.com.'

'I can't offer you the job, but I would hire someone LIKE you.'

"Yes, I'm good with figures. My prison job was stamping numbers into license plates."

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Horror movies

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

"How do you do it, hon? Marriage, kids, civic responsibilities, managing a multi-million dollar business and still finding time to do an 18-month stretch for securities fraud?"

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'If you exercise you add 10 years to your life.' - 'But I would spend the 10 years exercising.'

"Needs to get a life"

Cactus seats.

"Eat my dust!"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"It's the dawn of a new era"

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.