Interview Improviser Pillows

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

"I phoned your reference. She said you always ate your carrots and picked up your toys."

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"I forgot to say I was breast-fed."

'I'm not sure that mentioning your diploma in 'Monkey Business' really helps your resume...'

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

"Social Security forced you to come for this interview didn't they!"

Thesaurus Editors Applicants,Candidates,Entrants,Inquirers,Job-seekers.

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."

Jazz is Invented

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

'I see an applicant being hired!'

'I made a Valentine's Day card for you. The school has no art supplies so I wrote the color in.'

The Augie Twins write music strictly for their own amusement.

'We have an emergency, ladies and gentlemen! We need help - can anybody in the audience play the tambourine.'

'Let me start by saying I wish I had your imagination...'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"The whole thing is basically fiction. But I just thought my resume could use some spice."

We're trying a new interview technique. It's called "laddering".

'I'm a loaf of bread.'

'I've had tight deadlines, if that's what you mean by performing well under pressure.'

Bird Cage Cover over Wife's Head

'Would you cart to explain this three page gap in your resume?'

"How would you like to mark our territory?"

"So when did you interest in health and safety start?"

"I may have exaggerated a bit about coming up with a cure for cancer."

"And I'm telling YOU it looks exactly like the picture. See?"

'I don't have a resume, but I have accumulated an extensive paper trail.'

"I have to admit, I've never seen anyone list 'cleaning out my desk' as a job skill."

'Sometimes if things blow onto the canvas I just leave em there.'

'So, what part of the house are we delivering shock and awe to this weekend?'

"Actually those missing four yeas I was working here under a different name."