Interview Etiquette Enthusiast Gifts

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Do you have any other skills?

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

Only One Item or Fewer.

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'