Intervention Skeptic Pillows

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Studies show foods work miracles!

CIA report

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Actually, yes, honey — I do believe 'Fox News' is an oxymoron."

Suggestions box in a toilet.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

Why do you hate the media?

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

The suggestion box.

"You atheists wouldn't exist without God!"

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

Classic News.

"According to my phone, society is on the brink of collapse, but, according to our living room, things seem pretty O.K."

"Climate change is not real. It's fake climate!"

"This just in: you thought joy was within reach, but you were wrong."

'My philosophy has always been, sell advice, don't follow it.'

'We hoped you'd respond more enthusiastically to our incentive program.'

Low self esteem workshop - 'You missed it. It finished two hours ago, you useless pillock.'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

Suggestions Box

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

Time for today's dose of emotional manipulation...

"Now don't expect any miracles. I'm only a para-scientist."

A shrink charges $200 an hour, but double chocolate layer cake is only $19.95.

"Now remember...no lies about the government...only lies from the government."

Newspaper headlines - Butters kills, Margarine kills.

'Don't believe everything you read.'

"I don't think this is doing me any good."

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

Editorial Control