Internet Scam Detective Pillows

'I need it to fly to Nigeria to pick up my prize.'

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

Alternative Medicine

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

The new Physics

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

Says here the Navy's going to be patrolling the South China Sea. It could spark a history-changing war. Google tells me the last time a Naval conflict changed history, it was the Battle of Midway. You were alive at that time. How awesome was it to already be ancient when Midway happened? I never expected a question like that from a prepubescent stooge like you. Was it as awesome as when you saw Cleopatra lose at the Battle of Actium? I see you're bringing Google's a-game today.

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"I only told a few friends."

Tiger discovers the online wildlife trade.

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

"I think Baxter needs a break."

I'd rather be phishing.

"Hello, I am a Nigerian Prince and I need your help!!! Please send me $500 and your bank routing number. You will rewarded with 10% of 12.7 million dollars and my undying friendship. Best wishes, Prince John Barron."

"They'll never guess how we stole their data."

"If this is secret information the government doesn't want us to know, how come we can read about it on facebook?"

"Yes, I'm a superhero. I'm not attractive, muscular or charming because I work in the 'cyber crimes' division."

Vacancy at the Ecuadoran Embassy

Spam traps on mobiles

'I find if I'm the first one in and the first one out, Ponzi schemes can be very lucrative.'

'Computer crime' 'To see your belongings visit our website www,burgular.com'

"...and for your part in the computer fraud I sentence you to eighteen months @www.hermajestiesprison.co.uk"

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

'...if he only knew what I wrote about him on my blog.'

"I don't know man. It sounds a lot like a pyramid scheme to me."

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

"Jeez, Alice, at least Google him first."

"We've gleaned all we need to know about you from the internet, but we'll keep your resume as a great example of creative writing."

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

Able to Google Stuff Man

The Darknet starts right here.