Internet Health Detective Prints

"I need to inform you of our new policy. No sentences can start out with, 'I read on the Internet.'"

Kim was beginning to wish she hadn't started down the self-diagnosis route

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

Alternative Medicine

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

The new Physics

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

Says here the Navy's going to be patrolling the South China Sea. It could spark a history-changing war. Google tells me the last time a Naval conflict changed history, it was the Battle of Midway. You were alive at that time. How awesome was it to already be ancient when Midway happened? I never expected a question like that from a prepubescent stooge like you. Was it as awesome as when you saw Cleopatra lose at the Battle of Actium? I see you're bringing Google's a-game today.

Science and Coronavirus

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

"I only told a few friends."

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

Vacancy at the Ecuadoran Embassy

"If this is secret information the government doesn't want us to know, how come we can read about it on facebook?"

Too bad Desmond had never learned to recognize the early warning signs of a heart attack.

"Yes, I'm a superhero. I'm not attractive, muscular or charming because I work in the 'cyber crimes' division."

"They'll never guess how we stole their data."

Spam traps on mobiles

"I think Baxter needs a break."

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

'The first test was false-positive, the second test was false-negative. What are you trying to pull?'

"...and for your part in the computer fraud I sentence you to eighteen months @www.hermajestiesprison.co.uk"

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

The Darknet starts right here.

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

"Jeez, Alice, at least Google him first."

You're right, Mr. Fusco. Your health insurance does cover pre-existing conditions. So, honestly, how long have you been a wolverine?

'This could end up costing a lot more than I thought -- your disease is psychocomatic!'

"If there's a way in, they'll find it."

"Interesting diagnosis. Now let's ask Google for a second opinion, shall we?"

Berlitz guide to Scamese

'There's something wrong here. You have all these risk factors, and yet you're in excellent health.'