Interior Setup Strategist Pillows

"All your throw pillows were in knots."

"Don't tell me... you hired a professional decorator!"

'You had to put a skylight in didn't you?'

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

Man and woman buying furniture.

Since we've remodeled, you are no longer here.

'They'll tell you this is an open office workspace, but watch out for the invisible fences.'

Painting

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

"The floors are hot lava, but the apartment does come furnished with plenty of pillows."

"Now that everyone's in...how do we get the food?"

"I'm tired of this cave. I want a condo!"

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

Television company new recruit

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

"That's the window, dear. The bookcase is over to your right."

"It's so hard to settle on a office temperature that everybody likes."

Furniture. I don't care what style. I just want a couch that matches her fur.

'Ed says the 'smart money isn't buying furniture right now.'

You ever wonder what would've happened if Nintendo had never existed? There'd have been no Mario Bros., and since Sega created Sonic to compete, there'd be no Sonic. And without those, the market wouldn't have been big enough to interest Sony. So … no Playstation. And no Playstation, no Xbox. Several generations of awkward teens would've had to come up with other excuses not to go outside. Sometimes I wonder if it rained where I grew up.

"I try to get a head start on them."

"Jeffrey makes all our furniture himself."

"I've been thinking about what you said about three living as cheaply as two"

I'd love to wallpaper our bedroom, but it's too expensive. Not necessarily. Teddy wallpapered his entire room. What?! D�cor. For the cost of a few dozen movie magazines. And a fortune in scotch tape. Rolling Stone.

Chess cleaner

A dog locks a man out and sleeps in his bed.

A couple look at a graph on their bed

Bed, Bath and Beyond.

'Of course I threw it - It's a throw pillow.'

"Try the fancy new coffee machine. It's part of the school's new teacher retention program."

'Our space utilization study revealed that you have two square feet more than is allotted, so we're going to keep the office recycling bin in here.'