Interior Setup Strategist Pillows

"All your throw pillows were in knots."

"Don't tell me... you hired a professional decorator!"

'You had to put a skylight in didn't you?'

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

Man and woman buying furniture.

Since we've remodeled, you are no longer here.

'They'll tell you this is an open office workspace, but watch out for the invisible fences.'

Painting

"The floors are hot lava, but the apartment does come furnished with plenty of pillows."

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

"Now that everyone's in...how do we get the food?"

"I'm tired of this cave. I want a condo!"

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

Television company new recruit

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

"That's the window, dear. The bookcase is over to your right."

"It's so hard to settle on a office temperature that everybody likes."

"I try to get a head start on them."

'Ed says the 'smart money isn't buying furniture right now.'

"Jeffrey makes all our furniture himself."

Chess cleaner

"I've been thinking about what you said about three living as cheaply as two"

A dog locks a man out and sleeps in his bed.

"Try the fancy new coffee machine. It's part of the school's new teacher retention program."

'Of course I threw it - It's a throw pillow.'

A couple look at a graph on their bed

Bed, Bath and Beyond.

I hear the present owners are splitting up. Four fireplaces and a wine cellar. Better act quick, before they make up.