Interior Fanciful Designer Pillows

'I like the en suite, Gerry.'

Painting the Ceiling

"Don't tell me... you hired a professional decorator!"

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

"OK, last time: Cado teak lounge chair from Denmark – me. Doggy bed – you."

"Not tonight. The furniture is sentient again."

'You had to put a skylight in didn't you?'

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

Clown couple in bed with wavy mirror above their bed.

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

A Bedroom In The Middle Of Being Redecorated.

'I love what you've not done with the place.'

"I'm tired of this cave. I want a condo!"

Man who has called of his engagement because his fiancée did not match his furniture.

"You've done an absolutely fabulous job with the house, Anne, and Gordon's so improved!"

Duck in a bathtub

Castle Realty. Of course, for resale value, I'd suggest converting the dungeon into a rec room.

"I bought a fake rock to cover up this ugly rock."

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

'What paste?' (Husband nailing wallpaper to the wall).

Ceiling painter with an umbrella.

"Be honest...did you actually get any paint on the living room walls?"

"This is the precise reason I didn't want bamboo flooring."

'I can use surgery to restore your sex drive. Do you want the £3000 operation or the £4000 one?' - 'I'd rather have a new kitchen.'

"I'm getting a little itchy to redo the bedroom!"

The Arcimboldo Arrangement

"Just imagine this room fully carpeted with multi-level platforms and cubbies."

'Pssst. Go play in your new fun house or you'll hurt daddy's feelings.'

Open-Plan Psychiatry

"I told you that TV would be too big for this room."

It's nice, but we were hoping for something unfurnished.

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

'We need to update our gravel, install a fake treasure chest, and get one of those lifelike scuba divers. Apparently, it's all about curb appeal.'

Home Improvement Programme - "I'm afraid your teenage son will have to go."