Interior Aficionado Pillows

"It's beautiful. I'm just not sure it's $800 beautiful."

'No sir. It wasn't a recliner until you sat in it!'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

Walking a dog on a treadmill.

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

"The knights of the round accent table"

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

Fittd shēt

"Someday, these will be installed in every home and business that wants to seem artsy."

"I only scratch up the furniture hoping they'll replace it with something more stylish."

Waiting Room Quarterly

"If it's got my ass on it, it's befitting of royalty."

"How much?! Blimey, to get my money's worth, I'd need to use it EVERY WEEK!"

James decided to stay in that night.

"The artist-in-residence is struggling a bit, but other than that we're fine."

Unknowingly, with one swish of his blood soaked mammoth tail he was inflicting pain and suffering on billions of unborn people. Home decorating had been invented.

'Okay, the motorized rocking chair could use an emergency off switch.'

Since we've remodeled, you are no longer here.

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

Clown couple in bed with wavy mirror above their bed.

Den Furniture

This is the first time I've been on the top management floor.

Somewhere in France: The Fabric of Daily French Life Is On Display

"We're looking for something more over-the-couch-ish."

Artex cartoon

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

"Yup, looks like your bookcase is full. You might want to start thinking about getting a new one."

'Oh, honey, what a lovely house... We'll place the couch here, the cupboard there and my psychiatrist right here!'

"That Feng Shui class I took is paying off!"

Doulton Canada Geese

'For heaven's sake Janet - where have you disappeared to now?'

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.