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New Age: Retirement Plan

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

The game is tied, and this is the final inning because the sun is setting. I understand, coach, I need to get home before dark!

"I finally cleaned my room. You don't think she'll look in the yard, do you?"

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

"Watch this! All the balls scattered at random around the table."

I rule by fear.

"Maybe I can be a campaign worker."

'You're lucky you're just a kid and don't have to worry about things like going out and getting a job when you're supposed to be retired.'

"That's right, son. God knew everything before Google."

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'

"Unless you really don't like one of your children, it's best to leave your debt divided equally between them."

Law Offices. Ernie's client left his fortune to his dog, and his cat is contesting the will.

"We want one that's genetically gifted but not genetically spoiled."

"Hey, Gramps. You believe in life after death?" "Boy. At my age I'm not even sure about life after my morning BM."

"The floor is now open for discussion of what to name ou generation."

'Excluding our little granddaughter who called me 'orrible old smellypops!'

"As a kid I was told, 'Act your age.' As an adult I'm told, 'Don't look your age.'"

"My mom's having a baby. That automatically moves me into a middle management capacity within the family infrastructure."

"Quite frankly I can't wait to see how your generation messes up everything."

father and son

"I do hope this doesn't affect my life plan."

'Grandpa, what was the most romantic thing you ever tweeted grandma?'

'It's the Executor of my Grandfathers will - I've been cut off without a scent.'

'One day this will be someone else's.'

Cutting the cost of assisted living facilities

"She left you nothing. Sorry for your loss."

'Someday, son - provided we both get lucky - all this will belong to you and my trophy wife.'

"OK Boomer."

'Just taking precautions in case the plumber doesn't come before the house sinks!'

'I qualify for the senior citizen's discount, girlie, but how about you just give me the money instead?'

"Gracie, we've sitting here all day planning our first week of summer fun."

When you get to be my age, you start to notice certain patterns in the river of history. You start to notice, for instance, that the winner always loses. What's that mean? Every great power defines itself as the opposite of its main enemy. Once that enemy is defeated, the great power loses its virtues, its unity ... even its identity. The great power then either creates new enemies, or it fades into history. (Yawn) Old people talk a lot. What I'm saying is, you were not my first "Rudy Park," and

'We've decided to stay together for the sake of Ken's pension.'

"Why should our kids feel entitled to the lives our parents worked so hard to provide for us?"