Interest Rate Ponderer Pillows

The End of Economic Stimulus is Near!

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

'I'm 60-40 in favor of the 60.'

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'Of course we have to learn decimals. How else will we be able to compare bank interest rates.'

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"What's Tim doing on the window ledge?"

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

"Woah - random!"

Retirement Issues

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

'Son, someday you're going to be short all of this.'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

Making borrowing easier

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

'There's no interest on your purchase for a year. Then we become VERY interested in your balance after that.'

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

'You have to admire the way Hartley overcame his honesty and integrity to get to the top.'

"Don't forget — it's good to give, but even better to get back."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."