Interaction Analyst Pillows

"Damn it, when things were going well there was nothing but eye contact."

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

Awkward First Dates

(Diamonds shining, … Dancing, dining, …with some man in a restaurant. Is that all you really want?) (Are you making this up?) (Unsophisticated Lady)

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

The bluebird of passive-aggressiveness

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

Relationships.

"I meant the dog!"

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

"I've had you appraised."

Boss and worker communicating in exclaimation marks.

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"I miss the way it was when I thought you knew everything."

"My System 1 tells me she's articulate, capable, shrewd. My System 2 says BIMBO."

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

"She's got money and he's a 'poet'."

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

'And that, in a nutshell, is why men don't understand women.'

"I need a more interactive you."

"You can't let the tick birds continue to define you."

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

"Wait ... I always thought taking each other for granted was a good thing!"

"Don't even think about it."

The golfer apologized for all his affairs. The governor regrets all his affairs. So does the former presidential candidate. I don't get the abstinence until marriage idea. Shouldn't it be abstinence AFTER marriage?

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"