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Department de Philosophie

'I say it doesn't matter what you believe as long as you're sincere.', 'Who do you think you're kidding?'

Academic Affairs: The Chair of Philosophy Corners the Chair of the Sciences

"Where did you say you went to college?"

Don't get all excited, Mort. Canada or Bust!* Your e-reader announced the title of the book you're reading. *Tinyurl.comidbellbooks. That was my idea. I gave you that idea. You dismissed me. And now you've stolen the idea! Okay, fine. So. You had a basic idea. But I brought it to life with the Yodel. Haven't you seen The Social Network? What? I'm like Zuckerburg. You're like the not prospective billionaires in the movie. Seven Habits of Highly Successful People. Shut up, book!

Historians' Tiff

"I did the math. If we want to read all of Proust in this lifetime, we have to start tomorrow morning."

Genius Envy

"You want answers?" "I want the truth!" "You can't handle the infinite explanation of cosmological arguments relating to the truth!"

Poetry debate

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

"That Melinda Alvarez thinks she's so smart! Well, I've been studying, and I'm gonna teach her a lesson on the test we have today!"

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

"So you're saying if I wasn't so smart, I'd have more friends?"

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

Nature vs. Nietzsche.

Opening arguments would begin after the intimidation round.

Man and Women in a Boxing Ring

'When are you gonna get me some real competition?'

'I think things went wrong for me in the fifth round.' 'In hindsight, was that a good time to begin meditating?'

A poison pen fights a poison mic.

'One pundit tonight is from a think tank, the other writes 'Books for Dummies'.'

'And so, you can see from the books behind me that I am not an ignoramus, as some of my political opponents claim.'

Theoresentful

'What do you mean, 'you can read me like a book'? You've never read a book!'

"I've been thinking harder than you have, and my thought experiment disproves your thought experiment."

'I've gone over the fight tapes and I think I've pinpointed your weakness.'

'Can't we have just one conversation without you getting so defensive'

'Let's give him a couple more minutes, but it looks like we've got ourselves a bum who can't fight his way out of a paper bag.'

Chi Kick

"The government and I had a difference of opinion on what was tax deductible."

"You got him running scared, kid. He thinks he might actually kill you."

'He's just messing with your mind.'

'I say, Addison

Boxing.