Intellectual Conversationalist Pillows

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

Why don't we invite Hypothesis? It's always a good idea to have an educated guest… Party List. Mesomides. Loxias. Anaximenes. Thales.

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

A lesson in wit

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

'...can you tell me how to blame Obama for all that?'

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

"I understand it all started when he ordered extra toppings on a pizza."

Statue of Christopher Columbus

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, How come there never seems to be any penalty for pundits who turn out to be wrong all the time? - Andy, Los Angeles. Actual reader question. Excellent question. Unfortunately, answering that question would lead to a stock market collapse ... Which would be just the sign of weakness that the Dutch have been looking for. I'll answer you if you really want to wake up to the sound of 500,000 clogs bearing down on you. Ask Sadie questions at asksadie@rudypark.com.

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'